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20 Funny wedding quotes

Make the newlyweds and guests laugh with one of these crowd pleasers. From funny advice to a funny saying about what marriage entails, you’re sure to bring about some laughter.

Funny wedding quotes

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
—Erma Bombeck

“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.”
—David Sedaris

“Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.”
—Chris Rock

“The groom always smiles proudly because he’s convinced he’s accomplished something quite wonderful. The bride smiles because she’s been able to convince him of it.”
—Judith McNaught

“A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.”
—Unknown

Funny wedding quotes

“Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring, or eating with chopsticks: It looks easy until you try it.”
—Helen Rowlan

“Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.”
—Unknown

Funny wedding quotes

“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.”
—Jean Kerr

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. ”
—George Burns

“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. ”
—Elizabeth Evans

“All my friends are getting married. I guess I’m just at that age where people give up.”
—Amy Schumer

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
—Hussein Nishah

Funny wedding quotes
Funny wedding quotes

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
—Rita Rudner

“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.”
—Jerry Seinfeld

“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”
—Fran Lebowitz

“True love is the greatest thing, in the world, except for a nice MLT — mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.”
—The Princess Bride

“The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn’t say.”
—Alfred Hitchcock

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”
—Robert Quillen

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
—Dr. Seuss

“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
—Agatha Christie

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